Every time I try to write, I don’t know what to say, and when I do get something down, it sounds cheap, like a Hallmark card that I’ve read too many times. But I want to be able to say my good-bye, so here’s my try.

Today is your birthday. You would have been 22 today. You missed it by 3 days. Maybe somewhere you are 22. Maybe you opted to stay 21 – I probably would

You actually spent your 21st birthday in the States, in my kitchen. More than half the family was here – all the Panlilios, your whole family minus your dad, Mamita, all of Tito Nol’s family, and then some. You asked us to make salubong for with you for your birthday (sidenote: that roughly translates into “keeping vigil” but in this context means waiting til midnight to say good-bye to a passing age and welcome a new one), and of course, everyone stayed up. You were so excited the next day to go to an American bar and order a drink – even though you’ve been drinking for years in the Philippines – and then, she didn’t even card you. You were shocked. It was hilarious.

I made salubong for you last night – mostly, I couldn’t sleep, but I knew the rest of the family was awake, in San Antonia in Manila, holding the second night of your novena. I hear that the chapel was packed to the rafters, and people spilled out into the courtyard, all the way to the parking lot. You touched so many people, Pao. Did you even know? How far you reached?

You were so good. The cool guy who was never too cool to go out of the way to do things for people, to make us less cool kids feel cooler, never ashamed to look or dress totally ridiculous to make people laugh. My dad said, it best, so I’ll quote him:

“[You were] the cool dude who looked after and took care of less cool people (e.g. still remember him as the guy who welcomed Mico – when we were back in Manila for a year in 1997 – and picked him up from the Domingos in his bicycle because there was no driver), the guy who was comfortable with his feminine side (to wit, the now infamous “Nobody But You” rendition at Tali, where he outshined the reigning queen of dance – sorry Annabelle), the perpetual ham in things he does (recall his hilarious attire when he took a ride with Von in my convertible, when Gin was incredulous) and remarks (as I gave him some currency one Christmas, he quips “did you just rob a bank?”…it wasn’t even much).”

To me, you were someone who just spilled over with kindness and faith. And that’s what I hate writing, because it sounds cheap, like something everyone says in their eulogies, but with you, it was so TRUE. You really didn’t have a negative bone in your body, never complained when receiving one of a gazillion requests from someone in the family, never mocked people people out of malice, didn’t sulk, didn’t get moody, wasn’t dramatic (as so many of us Bautista’s can be).

Which is why I hold on to what San said to me: that maybe, as in the poem, “A Child Loaned,” God took you so early because, despite being younger than most of us – you had already learned all the lessons you needed to learn here on earth. You already passed life with flying colors. Loved whole heartedly. Gave freely. Believed with complete conviction.

When you were little (like, really little – maybe 5 or 6), you obsessively sang, “Because You Loved Me,” by Celine Dion. Embarrassing, huh? Here’s me airing some secrets haha. I know you wouldn’t care. The song goes, “You were my strength when I was weak / you were my voice when I couldn’t speak / … / You were my eyes when I couldn’t see / You gave me faith because you believed.” And I think that’s how I’ll always look towards you now. Maybe I didn’t appreciate it enough in your life, but you are an incredible role model of mine. If I could live life how you did, I think I would have a more than fulfilling life.

I’m going to quote Mamita in saying, “My grief is mainly based on selfishness because I feel bad that I will never see Pao again.” I know you’re in a better place – again, sounds cheap, but you were so GOOD that I just know you’re in a better place, and so, my sadness really is just based in my own selfishness. That I didn’t spend more time with you. That I didn’t take more advantage of everything you could have taught me. And I know that somewhere, you and Wowo are probably reminiscing over the past, maybe laughing at us (and, by the way, Wo, if you had any say, you couldn’t have chosen better company), and so I’m trying to stop crying, because really, you wouldn’t want that.

We released balloons for you. Manang and I coordinated to release them at the same time, and tried to time it so that it would coincide with the birthday celebration they’re throwing for you at San Antonio (hurray for 13 hour time differences). I asked the family if they would participate too – write something to you on a balloon and release it. I have a great mental image that somewhere, balloons are sprouting up around your feet and filling the air where you are. I hope it’s true.

I love you, Paowee. I feel so blessed that I knew you.

Rest well,

Kara

So this winter, I went hunting for the perfect wedding shoe for 2012. Something comfortable, but that wouldn’t make me look like an orthopedic patient. And, after much cajoling from my footwear-loving cousin, I settled on these!

I was against TOMS for a long while – not their message of course, but I complained that they were canvas, they were flimsy, they would fall apart too quickly. Then I caught a glimpse of these sparkly things, and I had to try them on. And, man, are they comfy. Throw in a Dr. Scholls heel support and I’m raring to go.

I did, however, see a pair of white sequin Sperry’s at the same time… made my decision much harder. Mmmmmight still go back and get those…

Wedding season 2012, here I come!

(Oh, there it is )

So, like I said, Cynthia and Justin won a spot in the Museum of Science‘s Race to the Altar – one of 26 couples to get married at the MOS that day. They won, and they had a gorgeous day to boot – how’s THAT for a Friday the 13th wedding??

Here are a couple of my favorite shots of the day.

Cynthia got ready with her 3 sisters and her best friend at her parent’s house in NH.

Cynthia’s grandfather had passed away recently, so Cynthia took one of his old shirts, cut out the shape of a heart, and sewed it into the inside lining of her wedding dress skirt.
She also put together her own bouquet – ribbon, pins and all! With a matching boutonnière for Justin. How’s that for DIY? She could totally go into the flower biz.  Mom watching and dad sniping off shots – he’s going to put me out of business You know I’m a sucker for this shot – so many brides take this pose when they’re dressing.
I LOVE this – fake lashes. Probably one of my most favorite shots today. A wonderful, adorable first look at the Boston Public Gardens with a touch of ha ha. This is my other most favorite shot of the day. So, because of the terms of Race to the Altar, Cynthia and Justin were only allowed 8 guests into their ceremony behind the MOS – I wasn’t one of them. But I got to sit with Lindsay and Cheryl and watch the live streaming footage of Cynthia and Justin’s ceremony! We plunked ourselves down by the Gecko exhibit and huddled over the smart phones.
Who said I couldn’t get their kiss, just because I wasn’t present? Part of the Race to the Altar package was a duck tour! The bride even got to take a turn driving. And of course, no MOS shoot is complete without a shot of the T-rex in front. 

Congrats, Cynthia and Justin!

And (drum rolls) Cynthia and Justin are one of those couples!

Now, when Cynthia and Justin decided to enter the contest, they weren’t even engaged yet. Cynthia’s best friend mentioned the contest to her and they decided to go for it. That night – Justin proposed!  And a few weeks after that – they found out they won a slot!

So the big question then became – could they arrange an 8 guest wedding (complete with bridesmaids dresses, Cynthia’s wedding dress, family from out of state, and all that jazz) in under 2 months? (Believe me, it’s more stressful than it sounds!) Stay tuned to find out!

This little cutie was featured on Offbeat Mama! See the whole thing here:

http://offbeatmama.com/2012/02/monster-and-rainbow-party

Keep reading to find out what led up this this mess
Ice cream! Of course. When we planned this, I thought it was going to be a huge mess and I was surprised when it started off very meticulously. Look at these two, planning their sundae like rocket science. Of course, we have to start with a sprinkled rim (held on by fudge). I would like to note at this point that I hardly had to provide anything for this. I thought I was being helpful by bringing a carton of ice cream, oreos, bananas and whipped cream, but it turned out that Dagny had pretty much EVERYTHING already – not because of the shoot, but because apparently Dagny and Andrew are ice cream fiends – and all my stuff was pretty extraneous. Yum. We shot this pretty early – I asked them when I got there if they were prepared to have so much sugar at 11 o’clock in the morning, and they were more than game. We joked that they’d have a hell of a time with their kids, trying to convince them why they can’t have ice cream for breakfast after this. This is getting towards the mess I kind of expected from this endeavor. Yum. Whipped cream topped boyfriend. And of course, you can’t have that much whipped cream lying around without launching into a whipped cream fight! Thank God it’s been so warm this winter! Fifty degrees in February – you can’t ask for much better for shooting. They’re so cute.